When Life Gets in the Way of Your Writing

by Lisa Taylor Huff

Reprinted with permission from the Write Edge Newsletter by Lisa Taylor Huff www.lisataylorhuff.com

This month's long overdue issue was inspired by the fact that in my own life, I've had many big (albeit mainly wonderful) changes taking place over the past year... changes that, "for better or worse", have shifted both my priorities and my available writing time. As a result, like many writers, I've been finding it difficult to make myself sit down and write, because there always seems to be something else to do.

For starters, if you weren't aware, over a year ago I decided to uproot my comfortable and familiar yet boring life in New Jersey, and make a life-long dream a reality: I moved to Paris. All by my lonesome, not knowing a soul (bold or otherwise). It proved to be the smartest move I ever made because it's opened me up to really be myself in ways I just wasn't doing before. And what better way to improve the quality of one's writing, yes?

At the same time, my grandmother, who was in her mid-90s, really began a serious decline. And I was her appointed caretaker. Overseeing her needs from Paris and making sure the daily caretakers (she lived in a very nice senior community with excellent care) were doing their jobs was not the easiest thing in the world, but I did my best... and I got to see her a couple of times on my holiday visit home in December, before she finally decided to leave this world on December 28th at the age of 95.

The best change in my life, though, was that just over seven months ago, I met the most wonderful man here in Paris, and since last October when we had our first date, our relationship has grown and moved forward rather rapidly (hey, when you're over 45, you know what you want). I have been living with him and his children (two teenagers and a 6-year old) for several months now. THAT has been a major adjustment for me, going from being single for 46 years to being part of a family of five. It's been the most wonderful time in my entire life, creating this new life in Paris with the man I love, and growing to care for his children and have them reciprocate my affections.

And just a few weeks ago, he asked me to marry him. Could it get any better?

The wedding is set for July 12th, 2008. It will be held in New Jersey, so I'm planning it all long distance (we're also having a second wedding and party in Paris in the fall). Plus there is a mountain of paperwork to organize and prepare to satisfy French immigration laws so I can get my residency card. And I'm still settling into the family routine and unpacking some boxes.

Did I mention that throughout all this, I have been trying to find time to write? And herein lies the problem. How do you find (or make) time to write when your "real life" is so full and so time-consuming? Whether your time is being taken up by good things (like being in love and planning your wedding), or not so good things (like caring for a sick family member), plus all the other normal daily things you need to do, it's just not that easy to find the time to write... how can you do it all?

My own difficulty in scheduling writing time is exacerbated by the fact that writing is also my livelihood. Not only do I want to find time to write books and articles under my own byline, but other people pay me good money to write for them. And they have a right to expect that I'm going to follow through on my commitments and that I will deliver a well-written product.

The writing coach in me knows all the right things I should be doing: I have to make my priorities clear and move writing higher up on the list; I have to schedule writing time on my calendar the way I would an important appointment with someone else, and then I have to KEEP that appointment with myself to write; and if necessary, be willing give up other things in the short term so I can do the writing I want or need to do.

Yet knowing and doing are two different things. I may be a writing coach but I'm human, and as prone to procrastination as anyone else. Maybe even more so. I've certainly found creative ways to procrastinate about writing, including doing laundry and even choosing to scrub a toilet rather than sitting down to write. And yet, I truly LOVE writing... I'm not procrastinating because I hate it. I'm procrastinating because... I just am.

Sometimes it doesn't matter WHY you're procrastinating about writing, because knowing the why isn't going to change anything. Your Life will always be there, making its demands on you; so it's up to YOU to decide just how important writing is to you, so that you take the necessary steps. You still have to get yourself in motion, in action, or nothing will change.

So here's what I'm doing in order to break the "Life's Getting in the Way Again" writer's block. See if any of these can help YOU get your writing back on track again, if you're suffering from the same problem:

1. Put it out there: admit you've got a writer's procrastination problem. I'm going public with my dilemma by writing about it here. If I don't sweep it under the carpet, it's harder for me to ignore it and keep doing it.
2. Create accountability. Tell someone else what specific steps you are going to take to make space for writing. Give them permission to hold you to your promises. I've given my husband-to-be the green light to check up on me from time to time, and I've promised not to get mad at him for doing what I've asked him to do. It's not nagging when you give someone permission.
3. Create penalties if you don't do it. A coach I know told me about a client who once promised he'd eat a can of cat food if he didn't achieve a particular task or goal. You'd better believe that guy was highly motivated to succeed, because who wants to eat a can of cat food?
4. Hire a coach. If you're not getting anywhere on your own and you don't have anyone else in your life you feel you can trust to support you in your writing goals, hire someone. It's an investment you'll be happy to have made, once you've finished your book.
5. Cut it out, cut it back or delegate it. Figure out what you can temporarily (or permanently) trim from your daily life to make more time for writing. The writing time won't create itself; if you're already fully booked, then something's gotta give. For me, I've had to cut back on how frequently I blog and how frequently I publish this newsletter (it used to be monthly and now it's 3 or 4 times a year max). I'm also fortunate that we have a cleaning lady who comes in once or twice a week for a few hours to help out with the bulk of the heavy housework and some of the laundry (and she irons, too, a task I hate anyway!) And although I live in this beautiful city of Paris and love being out in the city as often as possible, I frequently have to give up going out to meet friends or just to walk around with my camera and enjoy the views so that I can stay home and write. When choosing where to cut back, remind yourself how imp ortant your writing is to you, and it will make it easier to make the difficult cuts.

In the end, the only way your writing will get done is if you actually sit down and WRITE. We all have the same number of hours in the week, and no one gets 25 hours a day. If you don't make your writing project a higher priority, it will continue to be the "dream that never came true".

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You can find more useful tips, like this one, in my book, "The Writing Coach's Guide to FINALLY Writing Your Book"!

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