How to Cope with the Stress & Emotion of Downsizing

by Deanne Kelleher

June had made the decision to move back to the big city to be closer to her children. She was once a married mother of seven children and the downsizing process had happened in previous stages in her life. First the divorce, then the children moving out, then changing cities, then being a grown woman at University in Victoria, B.C.

People need to know that they are not alone and there are professionals to help youMonths prior to her moving date we started planning exactly what needed to be done. I lived in a different province so we had weekly phone meetings to ensure that she was on track and everything seemed to be going as planned - until I showed up to color code the boxes and assist with the final details of such a big move. Green for boxes going into storage, blue for the items going to her new apartment, orange for apartment storage, and each piece of furniture was to be labelled for its proper destination. Everything labelled, lists created, inventory recorded, and packing her personal belongings for the trip.

But, as I walked through the door on that sunny west coast day I was greeted by chaos. Every square inch of her apartment floor was covered in papers - some papers were from decades ago and some were yesterday's flyers, the photographs tallied in the thousands and the only boxes that were packed were the ones that she never unpacked when she moved in years earlier.

This was the biggest downsizing job gone awry and I really wasn't even sure why - thank goodness she was my mother and I had siblings to call on. We didn't know that the advanced stages of dementia caused someone to act this way. Actually, we didn't know anything about the disease. That was a day of utter heart-break for a child as I reflect back, yet the movers were scheduled to pick up her life time of belongings and move her across the country ... in less than 48 hours.

Karen acknowledges that a potentially painful moment for her clients is often the realization that no one values your 'stuff' like you do.When I began writing this article I solicited the insight of those who know about downsizing: a grown woman, a real estate agent, and fellow Professional Organizers. You may say I was a little shy to state my opinions as an expert after such a challenging experience, however people need to know that they are not alone and there are professionals to help you.

Allow me to share their words of wisdom with you.

I sat in the café across the table from Karen Shin, better known as the Downsizing Diva. Karen shares her view on the common reasons for downsizing: financial, the house is too big, health, and the natural transition of life - to simplify.

Karen recommends that people begin the downsizing process by disbursing items with 'heart value' to family members. A 'heart value' item could be the tablecloth from the holiday dinners, a set of cutlery, or the silver cream and sugar set. The next step is to organize the photographs - they should be dated and the names of the people in the pictures written on the back. Karen says that pictures loose importance when the family doesn't know who the people in them are.

The Downsizing Diva brings a stress fee, caring, compassionate, and even comedic - and if you haven't met Karen, she is definitely comedic - approach to downsizing and getting organized. Itemize what you own, identify the space that you are moving into or plan to move into and then determine what you can take with you. Do you really need the family turkey platter or is it time to pass it on to a relative or a close family member who has the space, "be a generous giver, no guilt giving allowed".

Use room plans, which include floor plans, storage requirements, and furniture planningKaren acknowledges that a potentially painful moment for her clients is often the realization that no one values your 'stuff' like you do. Since the young kids are in the acquiring stage they may not be interested in the big ol' stereo cabinet or Grandma's dining room suite so be prepared to sell it, donate it, or pitch it. Remember though, there are university students who would love and cherish your furniture! You can reach out to your community to donate your furniture or belongings. If you need help contact an organizer in your neighbourhood by visiting www.organizersincanada.com. Churches are often at the heart of family shelters or women's shelters and accept or can coordinate donations. If you're still unsure contact your local MPP to find out who picks up what locally.

Karen and I end our wonderful conversation on a final note about the three things that she knows: 1) We all have too much 'stuff' 2) you can't take it with you when you go and 3) we are all going.

Alex Fayle is the president of Professional Organizers in Canada and owner of House Therapy. He says the first step is to identify what is important to each person in regards to their activities. Do you like to entertain, do you have a home office, where do you like to read the paper or eat breakfast, what kind of shopping, galleries, or entertainment do you like? Your new location must accommodate the activities you enjoy.

Alex was full of helpful information such as when you are downsizing the kid's room - take pictures to capture the memories and write down how you feel about the items in the room. Use room plans, which include floor plans, storage requirements, and furniture planning. This is an incredibly useful tool to help you identify if you have enough space in your new location to accommodate your furniture and belongings.

Some people want it done quickly and others are long term planners - either is fine if that suits your needs, just be sure to break it down into stages to make the process easier. Alex also mentions that, in his experience, downsizing can create challenges with family members regarding who wants what or who thinks they are getting what so openly communicate with family members about the belongings.

I am always blessed by the wise advice of those who have 'been there and done that'. It is also very helpful when tackling a downsizing project that you consider speaking with a professional organizer.A friend of the family tells me that if you are retiring it may not be the time to move to a brand new area. You should think about what you enjoy doing - taking a walk to the café or driving to the theatre. Think about how long you will be driving for because if you move to an area where the amenities must be driven to and suddenly you can't drive anymore then your new location becomes a challenge. In her opinion all the disbursement decisions don't need to be made immediately, consider storing the items that you really love, you can make that decision in a year or so.

On a final note she says, as our tea is almost done, "leave your custom curtains behind - they will never fit anywhere else".

Real Estate agent Robin Millar recommends that families consider the options that exist between parents downsizing and younger family members upgrading. As well, she recommends to those who are still reviewing their downsizing options to speak with a financial consultant and explore the pros and cons of renting versus buying.

If downsizing is your goal I hope this information has helped you. If you are located in Toronto there is a great store called The Moving Store. They will do an onsite estimate of the supplies you will need to move and deliver everything when you need it. They also offer container rentals instead of buying cardboard boxes - I did this and loved it. Here is a link to their moving tips. If you aren't in Toronto you can still order their nifty moving items on line.

A final note about how things turned out with June. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's within six months of us moving her to the city and has since moved into a full time care facility. It is likely that you or someone close to you will suffer from dementia and potentially Alzheimer's. I recommend you visit their web site for more information on the common signs of the disease. It is also very helpful when tackling a downsizing project that you consider speaking with a professional organizer. They are experienced, informative, and often the calming, organized strength that is needed to assist you in achieving a peaceful transition.

If you have any questions or would like your share your moving tips please feel free to contact me at info@kaosgroup.com.